WHAT?
I am sitting in a small space, thinking about the large dreams that I have had. I am 4 days out from turning 51.
I was just talking to mom and dad... about the fact that I was at Disneyland the day before I was born. Disney, in my family... has many lasting, long term effects. Ben and I went to Downtown Disney for dinner recently. He bought me the sweetest Key chain. I will treasure it for the rest of my life.
Before June, our small little family had a tradition of meeting the Mice, and other really awesome characters (Pluto... perhaps my brother Eric?) We made an annual trek every Christmas (thanks Pam and Lyz). It is the HAPPIEST Place on earth. Ben was in the Candlelight processional and Andy Garcia narrated... We had just begun the unhappiest time of our lives. It was our last trip, as a family.
Dear Lord... Protect my family. Keep them safe. And bless the cook.
i (small case intended) am in the middle of "WHAT"ness. How did/does this happen? How do 4 people who love each other turn into rabid antagonists? I wish you (the reader) could tell me. Next week, on the 17th, will be 51 years and one day since my first visit to "The Happiest Place On Earth". And then... on the 20th, the "Happiest day of my life" (despite everything, I can't imagine that will ever change). The person I wanted to live out my days with became sidetracked. I didn't see it. Help me, LORD... understand.
I am grateful for the benevolence of family, and friends. I am grateful that I have been made to feel comfort and safety and welcome.
My days of knowing are clearly a fantasy. How RIGHT it is that I was in Fantasyland the hours before I took my first breath.
There were so many smiles... I ask you, the reader... to let me know you are here. And I thank you for loving me, despite myself. XOXO
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